My 5yo has a boyfriend.


I have come to the conclusion that my family are nuts…totally bonkers.

The crap they come out with is truly amazing and I am taking The Hoarders advice and writing it all down.

I often wake The Hoarder on a regular basis. This sounds cruel and it is especially when I could do with a laugh. However, if I didn’t wake him he would actually sleep all day (I should add that he works nights!)

This morning he asked me to” bring them in here (the bedroom) and ask it what it was doing with the decorations at his work???”  WTF? I only asked him what time he was getting up. This is what I get every morning…some random stuff that makes no sense, him sat up and eyes open, looking very much awake…at least to me.

So I’m starting with my 5 year  olds conversation with me tonight. If I can figure out how to do it, I may dedicate a page to them too.

Big Beautiful has a boyfriend

The Hoarder insists he is moving out when the girls hit their teens. He also insists that they are not going to have boyfriends. I can quite believe that he will scare any poor lad that comes calling for either of our daughters as I have seen his Big Brother act on a poor young 17 year old who came to call for his little sister.

So when Big Beautiful told me a secret tonight as I tucked her into bed, I almost laughed my head off.

“Mummy I like Joseph, he always makes me ‘larwf'” (I swear this is how she said it whilst face palming herself!)

“That is good sweetie, you never used to get on with Joseph did you?”

“No, but I like him cos he makes me larwf by pulling faces and calling me to watch him fall over!” I’m thinking Joseph is flirting with my daughter here and he is good at it!

“He sounds very funny baby”

“He is Mummy. I think I might have a boyfriend?”  Ah No! What to say? ok Default counselling mode….Paraphrasing!

“You think you have a boyfriend babe?”

“Yeah mummy, I feel like I have a boyfriend…don’t tell daddy though” She is sniggering behind her hands…where does she get this from?

I’m doubled over by this point ” Why can’t we tell daddy? You know you can have a friend who is a boy and that is a boyfriend” Wishful thinking? I know where this is going, but I am determined to keep it innocent…to keep her innocent.

“No I think I am gonna marry him”…yeah we wont be telling daddy this. Just like we didn’t tell him that she loved Harry from One Direction and felt like she wanted to kiss him ( her exact words!!)

“Mummy, did you have a boyfriend…when you were in college?” Oh Boy!

“Yes baby, but now daddy is my boyfriend”

“I told daddy that he has to marry you”

“Did you baby?”

“Yep…he said Naghhh.” Silence “I think he meant no Mummy”

Yep, great…get to sleep….

 

Daddy will be woken on several occasions on a morning from now on to provide material for our entertainment…no I’m not bitter. (I am!)

 

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Meme- Who am I really?


I have been tagged by the grand Jaime over at The Olivers Mad House to take part in a meme. I love doing stuff like this, although I am finding it harder and harder to come up with 5 facts about myself that I have not already shared on my blog. Seriously I am scraping the barrel on this one.

 

Anyway here is what we need to do:

  • Post 5 random facts about yourself
  • Choose 5 other deserving blogs with less than 200 subscribers to nominate and link their blogs in your post
  • Tell your nominees you have chosen them for this award by leaving a comment on their blogs
  • Answer the 5 questions the tagger has asked you and ask your own 5 questions to the people you nominate
  • No tag backs

 

My 5 (desperate) Random Facts:

1. I work in a call centre as a Careers Advisor

2. I am originally from a little village in North Yorkshire and some days I really miss the fresh air, rolling hills, moors and freedom.

3. I first studied mental health nursing at university aged 19, I dropped out after my 2nd year to work at Vodafone.

4. I am a secret sweetie eater

5. I have two little brothers who are ridiculously tall. One of which you can find ranting here

 

The 5 questions Jaime would like me to answer:

         1.What has been your scariest moment in life?

This has to be when Big Beautiful was born, I really thought I was going to lose her and I have never been so scared in all my life…I never want to feel anything like that again.

       2. What is your favourite season and why?

I love Autumn and have written about it in my Ode to Autumn post. I love the colours, the abundance of food and the thrill of knowing that soon it would be winter which means CHRISTMAS!

       3. Why did you start your blog?

I started following lots of mummies on Twitter after I had Smaller princess and found the world of the mummy blogger. After reading some wonderful blogs, meeting some great friends and seeing the benefit that writing about struggles and sleepless nights were having on these mummies I felt it was something I wanted to try for myself. My blog has evolved so much since back then and I have found even more friends and support so I am really pleased I started.

    4. What is your least favourite body part (on you) and why?

Where do I start…I have to choose one? I guess this is going to be obvious but I really hate my middle, it’s not just my mummy tummy that makes me look like I am still 4 months pregnant, but the huge love handles that stick out like two handles on a pot. I miss my pre-baby body. I certainly did not appreciate it enough or walk around in the nuddy enough.

   

    5. Marmite – lover or hater?

HATER! Bork! My kids and The Hoarder love it…I could not think of anything worse to put in my mouth…anything!

5 Questions that I would like to ask you:

1. If you could learn how to do one thing…what would it be?

2. What is your best tip for surviving Christmas?

3. What is you favorite childhood Christmas memory?

4. If you could invite any 3 people to dinner who would you choose?

5. What is your all time favorite film.

 

Right that’s it. Thank you for reading. Go visit Jaime and her lovely blog here. I also tag these lovely folk so go visit them too:

Fiona from the wonderful Bike lights in the fruit bowl

Carina from the also wonderful multilayer mummy

Dawn from a blonde wife as she has such a lovely blog and does not post enough!!!

Helen from a great blog called introducing mummy to the max

Lorna from the fab blog  mummy and her boys

It’s Christmas time in the city


“I must be insane”.

I thought to myself as I pushed a tired, screaming 2-year-old around the hustle and bustle of a city centre on a Saturday weeks before Christmas. Not only that I had a 5 year old in tow, who after getting a warm chocolate smeared waffle, decided she wanted to go home.

“Who’s idea was this?”

Oblivious shoppers stepped out in front of my push chair…very risky especially as I could quite happily have rammed them with said push chair after the 3rd or 4th time! Some even shoved passed my slow-moving buggy just to stop in front of me, those I could also have rammed with my push chair, quite happily.

The crazy frantic women who assault small children with their large quantities of baggage…sometimes even just their handbag as they rush from shop to shop. I lost count the times I heard “Mummy, that person just hit me on the head!” or “That man/lady just shoved passed me…isn’t that rude mummy?”

Yes it is! It is one thing to shove and jostle each other as you wander oblivious through city streets, but keep an eye out for little heads and feet around you. I can’t imagine how scary all those shoppers look to little people, at elbow hight who are knocked and hit simply because they are too small to be seen under all your Christmas treasures.

Fortunately there are those out there who restore my faith in human nature. I seem to find them around me when I need them most; like little angels bringing warmth and compassion to our cold, hard city shopping malls and high streets.

I don’t look for them, they just appear out of no where and then slip away again. . . This post is for you.

The lovely lady who chatted to my children in the street about Santa and school, who didn’t bat an eye lid at my chatterbox 5-year-old not pausing for breath.

The lady who tapped the two ladies in front of me on the shoulder and asked them to move after she had spotted me stuck there but unable to make myself heard over the loud Christmas songs and shoppers.

But most of all the man at the fruit and veg stall where I bought some chestnuts for the girls to try. He bought my children a small handful of cherries that Big Beautiful had her eye on , but I could not buy today. You made two little girls very happy in what had been a very stressful hour for us all.

As I look back on today, because of some very special strangers we met, I don’t feel harassed or in need of a glass of wine (well maybe a small one?)  Instead I remember the girls joy at seeing the City Christmas lights for the first time, the wonderful Christmas market and the warm waffles we all had with chocolate or Maple syrup, seeing the wonderful Fenwick’ Christmas window, looking for gifts for our family, dancing and singing to Christmas songs in the shops like no one was watching (I’m sure they were lol) and free cherries!

I have learnt a valuable lesson today:

Don’t venture into the City Centre on a Saturday with two small children, especially just before Christmas. I can only imagine it will get worse!

And if I really have to?

It might not be too bad x

Anyway up 360 Toddler cup – a review


For a long time now I have battled with Smaller beautiful’ terrible two’s. I’m actually beginning to think that rather than tantrums she is simply trying to turn my hair grey, make me lose any sanity I may have remaining … Continue reading

How my child sees me (Meme)


I was tagged by the lovely Bike lights in the fruit bowl to take part in this Meme. I am not sure where is started, but what a good idea.

Both my Princesses love drawing and arts and crafts so it wasn’t to much of an effort to grab the colouring pencils and paper and set them to draw.

I was tagged in this Meme on Wednesday while Smaller Beautiful was at nursery so I asked Big Beautiful if she would draw a picture of mummy as though she had taken a photo, what did mummy look like?

You know when you ask your child a question…and then wish you hadn’t?

To get the best drawing possible we needed to explore mummies face and head

So far so good, this actually set the theme for this activity as we were both laughing so much it was hard for Big Beautiful to draw anything! But on with her drawing she went!

Laughing at mummy and what she was about to draw

So then it was time to get serious as she talked about what she was drawing. My long brown hair that still has red strands in it from last christmas’ hair do…seriously this is how long I leave my hair cuts! ( So far so good!)

Time to get serious

My child is so funny…good job really

So here is one of her many drawings of how she see’s me. The two sticks I’m holding are my crutches which I have not used in about a month, I can only imagine that she has remembered this as a worrying time for her and something she still thinks about. It’s the only time she has seen me as a normal human being, rather than Mummy who fixes things and makes things better. This was so interesting to see and led to a really good talk on how she was feeling about this. (once a counsellor always a counsellor!)

The circle is apparently my tummy…**Sighs**

You did ask

So I asked her to draw another one, what else would she draw? This is her drawing a 2nd picture. I really wish I had not asked. This is the picture she was drawing. Apparently I am asleep inside the rabbit hutch…calling Dr Freud!

Mummy asleep inside the rabbit hutch

So this is apparently how my daughter see’s me. I am long-haired (with old red streaks) a large round tummy **Sulks** and I sleep in a rabbit hutch. ????

Despite my increased motivation to loose weight and get The Hoarder to clean out the rabbit hutch more often I did enjoy this especially the fun afternoon it created for me and Big Beautiful. I have not laughed like that for a while.

The best bit was later on that evening when she brought me this and told me she loved me.

I love you Mummy

Now I have to tag other mummies in this Meme.

I tag:

Mama OWL

ClarelouAllen

Mummy Stuff

{This Moment}


{this moment} – A Friday ritual. A single photo – no words – capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember. 

If you’re inspired to do the same, leave a link to your ‘moment’ in the comments for all to find and see. as found on Mothering with Mindfulness and  Inspired by Soulemama.

 

{This Moment}

 

Valuing the simple things


Sometimes in the rush of daily life I forget.

I forget to stop.

I forget to breath.

I forget to open my eyes and to see, to really see the wonderful things around me.

When I remember, when I stop, when I take that deep breath that floods through my body finding all the muscles tight with ‘life’ and I open my eyes and really see …I’m always surprised.

I’m surprised at how much my body has been aching to relax and slow down. I am surprised at how much air I can fill in my lungs and I’m surprised how such simple things can change my mood, the way I feel and how I view myself and the world around me.

I love the moment the wind catches my face cycling fast down hill

I love pushing myself to cycle the incline home, reaching the top and looking back over the city at night lit by thousands of little lights.

I love the feel of little arms around my shoulder squeezing after the softest but sloppiest kiss goodnight from my girls.

I adore the colours of autumn (see Ode to Autumn to find out how much!)

Right now, this very moment. My babies are sound asleep in bed, I am snuggled in a nice warm bed, I have Breaking Dawn part 1 on my bedroom TV (and tickets to see part two in my purse), I have a warm whiskey and ginger next to me and after writing my post I’m going to snuggle down with a book (and maybe another whiskey…well it is Friday).

There are lots of things I am worried about right now such as our finances, my relationship and people I know (and technically don’t know on Twitter) But right here in this moment…I am at peace.

It’s a wonderful feeling and I am going to enjoy it a bit longer and remember it and the next one and the next time I am flying down hill on my bike … I’m going to savour that too.

What moments do you love and want to savour? **Cheer**

Living with a hoarder and 2 princesses.


This used to be the title of my blog.

I changed it for many reasons.

The title was more about what I needed to write about than what I was about or the sum of who I was. When I started this blog, over a year ago, I had no idea who I was so I used the three most significant beings in my life and how I saw them at the time, as my blog title…does that make sense?

Really this title is something I need to write a post about, something I have put off for a very long time. I put it off because I did not really know how to explain it to anyone, I put it off because it is such a raw subject for me that just touching on it causes me to shrink away from it…to hide from it. I am not entirely sure that I can fully explore what it’s like living with a hoarder, especially a hoarder who is in total denial. I also suspect that he has OCD although this is a new realisation and I’m still trying to learn more about it all. I have tried not to make this post sound like I am whinging about my other half. He does have some good qualities, otherwise I would not still be here.

He is a brilliant father for one and our children adore him

He still makes me laugh…sometimes despite myself

and he works really hard to keep a roof over our heads and food on our table…as do I.

That said It’s really not easy living with someone who likes to keep stuff. Often I feel like I have 3 children. I know, I know men can be very much like children I hear it all the time from struggling mums.

But I feel this is slightly different.

I regularly hear “It’s mine”

“that belongs to me, I’m keeping it. You can’t get rid of that broken computer I can still use it” (this is the pc sat under my kitchen/dining table for the last 6-8 months)

” It’s ok I can fix it up and it will save us money. I’ll put it  in the shed (We have 3) We can sell that, don’t throw that away” (about…anything)

The Hoarder: “Emma where is that magazine? I have not read it & there was stuff in it I wanted to keep”

Cycling Mummy: “That was from last September”

The Hoarder “but it was mine.”

This is often the same conversation I have with my 5yo over a toy the 2yo took…He is in his late 30’s!

If I move anything or throw them away it causes a huge argument…even if the items I throw away belong to me or the girls.

Last year our dryer started playing up, so The Hoarder headed to the auction to get a new one cheaply. It didn’t work (Durr!) He got a man out to fix it, he found a broken part and gave it to The Hoarder to get a new one…but The Hoarder could not throw away the part the man had given him…I had to do it for him. That broken dryer is still sat in one of the sheds to this day and my dryer has to be kick started by hand to get it to spin!

We have piles of unopened letter near our front door ( I just counted them and there are 76 approx) There are two carrier bags in our bedroom from the months before and a bag in one of the sheds from years ago…they all belong to him. Speaking of sheds we have 3 sheds that are full…one of which is on my patio (wine drinking area) that I managed to get to use for 1 summer.

 

He hates putting things away. If there is a space then he needs to fill it with something…anything. I love clear empty work tops in the kitchen…he likes to see his stuff .

I see and hear women complain that it’s hard to get the man in her life to help in the house and I also have friends whose partners are so helpful that I often wonder how I can get one. Getting The Hoarder to help in the house is a chore in itself. I can often get him to eventually do the washing up and if forced will put clothes in the washing machine and switch it on. He refuses to put washing up away, or clothes away, even his own. He also has to be forced to put the shopping away. I have often come home from work at 11pm to find the tins and packets on the work bench (which is on top of the cupboards where they live) He claims he didn’t see them there (yes he put them there).

There are elements of OCD to his hoarding and  I’m convinced there is a link, despite a lot of my internet search claiming there is no such link between hoarding and OCD…Rubbish! I am continuing this research so that I can learn as much as possible.

He can never drive home in the same way that he went.
This caused havoc when I first moved to this city as it took me ages to figure out where anything was. Every time we went to a friend’s house we went several different ways, we always go home a different way. I could never figure out where I was or got two routes mixed up…so annoying.

Recently we went to a retail warehouse so we could buy washing powder etc in bulk. There are two entrances…he could not drive out the same way he went in as this would not form a circle and would not be right. If this is not OCD then I do not know what is!

I have brought this up with him and he denies having OCD or hoarding tendencies, but did say he has to complete the circle or it wont feel right…like that feeling something is wrong.

Needless to say he drives me to distraction!

If I get rid of any broken toys or unused toys to make way for more around xmas & birthdays I have to hide them at the bottom of the bin or get someone else to take them to a charity shop…if I don’t…he raids them, taking out toys he has to keep for the girls. His step mother watched the girls at her house over night last weekend. When she came home she brought back a small toy house and toy van complete with dolls that I had tried to sell on a carboot sale back in the summer. I don’t remember her taking it…but here is this toy now back in my house and I am convinced he asked her to take it to her house rather than get rid of it…It’s going in the bin now. the same Step mother had a clear out of her cellar recently…guess where most of the tools, bits of wood and odd and ends ended up? This is despite me asking her not to let The Hoarder know about them or ask him to come and get them…especially the huge metal filing cabinate…Why would we need this?

***bangs head on table in frustration***

His family says it is a family trait and they are all like that…but I cant see it in their houses…I see items being used or utilised creatively…I don’t  see piles of stuff in their house or areas like my patio being used to home a  third shed. Despite this they still talk amongst themselves about my house and the amount of stuff we have. They still buy the girls hundreds of toys and clothes they don’t need and they still buy us other people’s junk from car boot sales that we don’t want and need…but because The hoarder likes his stuff, he will accept it. No matter how much stuff I try to get rid off…I will never get rid of enough to keep up with him. Yet the state of this house will always be my fault and my problem according to them…never his!

I asked him to take a bag if my old clothes to a charity shop, they were in really good condition, but I’m never gonna be a size 10-12 again, so I was honest and ruthless with my wardrobe…he went through each item pulling out ones he thought I should keep and made me explain why I was getting rid of it.

These are just some examples of his Hoarding and OCD behaviours. It is exhausting just trying to fight against him to stop us drowning in his stuff. I have read posts from other blogs and articles on Hoarding and OCD and they all talk about how it isn’t the persons fault, that it is an illness and they simply can’t help it. As a counsellor I would treat a client with total respect, I would not judge them. We would explore their behaviour together in a safe environment so we could reach an end the individual was content with. Living with someone who has OCD or who hoards is very different from counselling them. I am too involved to help him, and as a helper I find this the most frustrating thing of all. That I might actually be part of the problem. That said, until he admits to having these behaviours there really is nothing I can do.  That sense of hopelessness is also exhausting. Knowing I have to get up tomorrow and fight through more arguments over materialistic shite!

My mother will tell me to just bag it all up and throw it all out. It’s easy for an outsider to judge our lives to be as simple as throwing something away. It is not her who has to face the backlash of throwing things away. Just putting “junk” in the shed while he is in bed or at work causes huge blow outs. I also have to think of the kids, because at the end of the day it will be me that blows my lid the most as a result of all this frustration on a daily basis and it will be me who walks out with my girls never to look back at this hell hole house again.

This post has been so hard to write. It’s actually the 3rd time I have tried in the last year. I always wanted to explain why I call him The Hoarder and  to talk about what it is like living with one.

I am sorry if it is a little self-indulgent rant, but this is the first time I have shared this…to anyone, in so much detail.

It’s theirs…all theirs and there is nothing I can do about it.

{This Moment}


{this moment} – A Friday ritual. A single photo – no words – capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savour and remember. As found on Mothering with Mindfulness

If you’re inspired to do the same, leave a link to your ‘moment’ in the comments for all to find and see. Inspired by Soulemama.