I loved it all
From being a teenager and a bit of a goth (I kid you not, I promise to find the photo’s so we can all point and laugh) I loved ghost stories and things that went bump in the night.
Since having Big Princess I had to stop watching horror movies. I just could not handle them. I would (still do) lay awake monitoring the shadows around my bedroom ( I swear they move!) Worse still the baby monitor. Too many horrors involve ghostly goings on through a baby monitor…why did I not consider this when I was younger and knew I wanted a baby…they come with baby monitors.
One night when Big Princess was about 2 she started talking…this is nothing new as she regularly talks in her sleep and suffers quite badly with night terrors (another post material!). That night though she was quite animated and started shouting go away. So I crawled out of bed (after putting on my lamp so I wasn’t scared… Seriously). I found her sat up in her bed crying and still saying go away.
After hugging her to me she started saying “Man, Man Mummy go away Man!”
I almost fled the house there and then! My heart was pounding and I thought …what did I think?
Was there a man in my little girls bedroom? Was it someone out on the street shouting? Was there a man ..here…with us? OK logical Mummy, come on.
I am not disregarding the belief of an after life. Some pagans believe in Summerland I guess you could say it is a pagan version of heaven. I have my own ideas of course, and visits from loved ones are a comfort as long as they keep it to themselves. Big princess is named after The Hoarders Grandfather who had recently passed away at the time so I drew comfort that we had a visit, picked Big Princess up from her bed and tucked her up with me
because I was scared to death so I could comfort her.
As I snuggled down with her she waved at my bedroom door and said “Bye Bye Man”…we slept with the light on.
This was not the last experience like this that I have had with Big Princess. Look out for another post I am going to write on talking to your child about death as it’s something I need to explore a conversation and experience we had two days ago!.
Since having Smaller Beautiful my fear and aversion of anything that scares me has grown. I hate watching the news, I despise crime programmes as they always include the hurt or disappearance of children …this scares me more than a visiting man. I really can not stand horrors.
I was sat here tonight watching TV after a late shift at work (1pm-9pm) when an advert popped up on the telly box. It was for a horror film that is due out at the cinema.
Unfortunately I looked up at the worse bit to see a face in the monitor turning to stare at the lead character. . . Damn it!
So that is me staying up even later watching “Neutral” (boring non scary) stuff on tv (X Factor) in an attempt to get rid of the image in my head so that I can go upstairs, turn off the light and go to sleep (never gonna happen!)
What bugs me is that the quality of horrors are getting better, the effects are brilliant…maybe too brilliant. They look so real, despite that tiny lovely little bit of my logical brain that tells me it’s made up and doesn’t really happen. Has this tiny bit of my brain gotten even smaller since having children (along with my memory)?
Why do I get so scared of something I used to adore? Is it a threat to my happy (cough) little bit of heaven that I have created?
It is my duty and responsibility to protect my innocent babies but these horrors are in my front room, albeit on the TV, but here where they play happily?
Perhaps it is my Fight or Flight response? Ready and alert to grab my children and run to save us from the nasty people.
Is it to protect myself? I have to look after my babies after all so keeping myself safe is a priority to keep them safe?
How wonderful our mummy minds are!
What has changed dramatically since you had children? Do you avoid anything?
I would love to hear what you think on this x