No more babies

This time two years ago I was in a hospital bed on the Labour ward. I can’t believe it has been a whole year since I wrote this post! Where did all the baby days go?

Big Beautiful, The Hoarder and I had been on a long walk, it was my due date and we thought it would help. We had fish and chips on the beach, walked along the sea front to a local tourist attraction which included a great deal of steps.

All the while my usually happy funny little girl cried, begged and pleaded for us to go home until we decided that if she did not want to be here then we would take her home. We think she knew.

As I walked through the front door I headed to the sofa and slowly lowered myself down and stretched my legs out to a strange POP! in my lower tummy.

A trip upstairs confirmed that my waters had broke, but they were orange and gloopy…not a good sign, especially after the nightmare that followed Big Beautiful’s Birth! (See the 3 part drama The day I met and almost lost my daughter How do you mend a broken heart…and lungs and we really are that lucky

At 7pm Big Beautiful was put to bed and my neighbour came to sit with her as we headed to the hospital.

This time two years ago I was in the hospital bed, turning up my TENS machine and puffing on the Gas and Air which had become my new best friend.

At 2,30 am I would only be 3cm Dilated and agreeing (begging actually) to an epidural, at 3am with the anesthetist trying to find the right spot in my spine to insert the needle I started pushing

“Im pushing, Oh god I’m pushing”

“You can’t be Emma, your only 3cm dilated”


“Lay down, Emma, I need to check the baby”

“I cant I can feel her head!”

“She cant come out if your sat there like that, come on, you need to lay down”

I promise you I can still to this day feel her head every time I moved, like I was pivoting on her. Cue the Hoarder tipping me over and raising my leg. He would actually make a good midwife.

3.20am I gave birth to Amelie Rose.Image I held her in my arms against my chest as she stared at me, pursing her beautiful little mouth.

My blood pressure was through the roof so we hung out in the hospital together for a few days.

Despite the anxiety I have experienced through the birth of both my children. I am finding it hard to deal with the knowledge, that this beautiful little girl, this funny toddler who, despite keeping me awake with her screams for two years, will be my last baby.

My eldest has started primary school last week and now my last baby is a walking, talking, laughing, stubborn, little girl.

I have no more babies.

I am not sure I am ready to accept that…this is a huge shock to me.

Happy birthday my beautiful baby girl x



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