I started this blog saying that I would try to stay away from being another “mummy blogger” as there are so many fab mummy blogs out there. The truth is that being a mummy is so overwhelming that this role spills over into every single aspect of my being. ..and rightly so!
So I’m adding a category to my blog that is about Emma the mummy. That way those not interested can skip it if you so desire.
I’ll tell you whats on my mind right now shall I, the reason I have been “missing in action”. I try very hard not to write, publicly, in anger. Instead I journal this anger in order to learn from it. You may not believe me, but a great deal can be learnt about the self in times of anguish. I have been journalling so much over the last couple of weeks that I may have enough for a post a day until Christmas! ( Yes I said the C word!).
Here is just a sample of what has been rubbing me up the wrong way.
Recently, actually no, not recently since I became a mother, I have fought and fought against … well myself really and what I would like to say to others who question my parenting ability.
I have always had very clear and unbending ideas on how I wanted to bring up my child/ren and luckily for me I found a partner who agreed with my parenting ideology. You wont be surprised to hear that a fair bit of these ideas were thrown to the way side when we became parents, but a fair amount of it still remains. One of those unbending ideas is that I did not have kids to palm them off on someone else. This is top of my parenting Do’s and Don’ts. Now I should say here and quite clearly that what other parents do and how they wish to bring their children up is of no consequence to me and mine. The problem is other people do not seem to bear me with the same respect.
I am a fantastic mother, you should know this, I believe it to my core. I am the only person who can mother my children. I am the only person who can bring them up, care for them and love them as only a mother can…this is fact because I am their mother. I do not see how anyone could question this?
Yet they do!
Not only that, but they appear to question my innate ability to read and know my children like they were a part of me…they are a part of me and I know them better than I know myself.
(I’m still discovering things about Emma as I locate her, you see).
I feel sad that my own family and friends are unable to appreciate this bond, they seem to believe that I would want and need my children to be away from me quite regularly. To be quite honest with you even in my darkest days of exhaustion since having Smaller Beautiful and the desperate battle to connect with her, I never once wished them away. To do so, even to contemplate it now causes too much pain in my chest, I can hardly breathe. I have once thought that the bond I have is unhealthy and too strong, after all we will go our separate ways one day, but then, I think how can it be unhealthy to love your child so much that it hurts? To want to breathe them in every moment…all I want is what is best and right for them. While they are babies…THAT is me (o.k and daddy too!)
Let me illuminate with an example.
My eldest can not drink juice, or fizzy pop. She can have fresh fruit juice, but she usually asks for and is quite happy drinking water. This, it seems to family and friends, is next to child abuse.
How can I just give my daughter water? It does not taste of anything…children should have lovely sweet tastes. You may think yes juice rots their teeth, or mine wont drink anything but juice or milk. Your just being overprotective a little bit of juice wont hurt them.
What if I told you when she does drink juice or pop she wets herself several times a day until whatever it is that irritates her little bladder is out of her body? Would you still give it to her telling her that it is all you have?
Apparently many people would! Today my 3-year-old went to have a play date at a very good friends house; we met when we were pregnant with our eldest children, she knows that I can’t give my daughter Juice and she knows why.
Big beautiful had wet herself when The hoarder picked her up at dinner time, then again within minutes of coming home. Big Beautiful said she was given fizzy pop to drink, my friend apparently told her she did not have anything else.
I am certain there are taps containing water in her new house.
This is not the first time, the last time this happened Big Beautiful was staying at my mothers. It was around the time we had vowed not to give Big Beautiful juice to see if she wet herself still. She had been dry almost 3 weeks. The day we collected her Big Beautiful met us at the door in just her pants. Apparently she had no clothes left as se had wet herself 3 times that day.
“well I have not given her any juice” we were told
Until Big beautiful told us the truth and presented us with a bottle of fruit shoot (The most evil of all wet -pants-inducing-juices) The guilty bottle presented to me by Big beautiful, was not watered down, as mother had insisted it was.
Still family members and friends scoff when I tell them of our ban on juice and still I can not see that it is me who is the cruel one. The upset an accident causes my daughter is very clear. She is a big girl and wet knickers will just not do. Yet family and friends insist on causing her to cry her little heart out by giving her a drink that her little growing body can not handle.
So my anger that is swelling in my shoulders, arms and chest is again threatening to make me scream at these people saying …
I am the Mummy and Mummy knows best!